Celebrating Life and Families: Understanding Life, Family & Purpose
The Power of Personal Experience
Sometimes the smallest things leave the biggest impressions on our hearts. For me, it was something smaller than my littlest fingernail, my daughter’s tiny hand. But before I share that profound moment that changed everything, I need to tell you about a remarkable prophecy that set the stage for our family’s journey. In my college years, I had an insatiable desire to see God’s creation firsthand. I wanted to understand what the world was all about, to witness the vastness and variety of His handiwork. This curiosity led me on an extraordinary adventure through nineteen countries in Europe, armed with nothing but a backpack, a sleeping bag, and an open heart. But the most significant moment of my travels wasn’t standing before the grandeur of the Parthenon in Greece or crossing the bridge between Europe and Asia in Turkey. It was a simple evening at a campground in France, where God’s plan for my life began to unfold in the most unexpected way.
The real story of my daughter’s tiny hand begins years before I saw it, on that summer evening in France. I was hitchhiking through Europe, making my way back to Holland for my flight home, when I met a Dutch couple who invited me to stay at their campsite. As we sat around the campfire that evening, our conversation turned to families and dreams for the future. When they asked how many children I hoped to have, I answered without hesitation: “A dozen.”
That’s when something extraordinary happened. The couple shared an old Dutch folklore tradition with me, a prophecy of sorts. They took a needle and thread and held it over the campfire, explaining that the needle’s movement would predict my future children. Back and forth motion meant a son, circular motion meant a daughter, and stillness meant no more children. We watched in wonder as the needle swung back and forth six times, six sons. Then it moved in circles five times, five daughters. After the eleventh movement, the needle went still. Though I’d hoped for a dozen children, the needle had stopped at eleven. Little did I know then how precisely this prophecy would manifest in our lives.
Years later, my wife Mary and I were building our family. We already had three beautiful children, and I was studying law school while working for the Social Security Administration when Mary shared with me that she was pregnant again. Despite the challenges of caring for three young children and my busy schedule, we were excited and open to this new life. There was something special about each pregnancy, each new soul entrusted to our care. But this pregnancy was different. When Mary was eight weeks along, she went for a routine checkup. What should have been a normal appointment turned into a moment that would change my life forever and give profound meaning to that campfire prophecy from years before.
A Prophetic Journey
During the checkup, complications arose. There was bleeding, and the doctor discovered signs of miscarriage. Everything happened so quickly after that. They rushed Mary into surgery for an emergency dilation and curettage (D&C) procedure. I stood by her side, my heart heavy with concern for my wife and our unborn child. The procedure lasted only twenty or thirty minutes, but in that brief time, I witnessed something I’ll never forget. As the caregivers worked, I saw it in the surgical pan, a perfectly formed tiny hand, no larger than a quarter of my smallest fingernail. In that moment, everything became crystal clear. “This is our child,” I thought, my heart wrenching with the reality of this loss. This wasn’t just medical tissue or a clinical procedure, this was our baby, our child, a precious life that was part of us.
That tiny hand changed everything. As someone with degrees in Physics and Math, I’ve always been fascinated by how things work. I understand biology and science, in fact, the word “science” comes from the Greek language, meaning “to know God.” But seeing that perfectly formed hand brought a deeper understanding. It wasn’t just about biological processes or medical procedures. It was about the miracle of life itself, about God’s intricate design in creating each one of us.
The experience left an indelible mark on my heart. How could anyone, seeing such a perfect manifestation of life, not be moved by the preciousness of every human being? This wasn’t about politics or social issues, it was about recognizing the inherent dignity and value of every life, no matter how small. You will never look into the eyes of someone that God doesn’t love.
Looking back now, I see how God’s plan unfolded with perfect precision. That prophetic moment in France wasn’t just a curious folk tradition, it was a divine preview of our family’s story. Today, Mary and I have ten living children: six sons and four daughters. When you add our precious daughter, whom we lost that day, it totals exactly eleven children, just as the needle predicted over the campfire all those years ago!
This convergence of prophecy and reality reminds me that every life, no matter how brief, has purpose and meaning in God’s grand design. That tiny hand didn’t just touch my heart; it pointed me toward a deeper understanding of life’s sanctity and the beautiful way God weaves our stories together, even when we can’t see the full picture.
Life’s Sacred Moments
The loss of our daughter left a permanent mark on our family, particularly on Mary and me. While at the time we carried on with our daily lives, as parents of three young children must, the profound impact of that moment has deepened with reflection over the years. This experience wasn’t just about loss; it became a pivotal point of understanding that shapes how I view life, faith, and the conversations we need to have about them.
Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of speaking with various medical professionals who’ve shared their own profound encounters with the miracle of life. One OB-GYN shared with me how he had witnessed an entire arm developing right before his eyes during his practice. These testimonies from healthcare providers, individuals who understand the scientific intricacies of human development, reinforce what that tiny hand showed me: life’s complexity and beauty extend far beyond what we can explain through clinical terms alone.
When we study the intricate details of human development, when we observe the perfect formation of a tiny hand smaller than a fingernail, we’re not just learning about biological processes, we’re witnessing divine craftsmanship at work. Science and faith aren’t adversaries; they’re complementary paths to understanding the magnificence of God’s creation.
I share this deeply personal story at the beginning of this book because it sets the foundation for everything that follows. This isn’t a book about proving anyone right or wrong, it’s about learning how to have meaningful conversations about life’s most profound topics. When we engage in these discussions, we must remember that everyone has a story, everyone comes from somewhere, and everyone’s views are shaped by their unique experiences and background. If you’re reading this and the topic of life and abortion brings up painful memories or complex emotions, I want you to know that it’s okay. Whether the emotions are positive or negative, they’re valid, and it’s important to share them with people who care about you. This book is about creating space for these conversations, about learning how to discuss these sensitive topics with compassion and understanding.
Through our family’s experience of loss, we’ve learned that God can bring purpose from pain. He has ways of taking our darkest moments and using them to bring light to others. We may not always understand the timing or the reasons, but I know with certainty that He is good, He is true, and He is faithful. Just as He did for our family, He can take your experiences, even the painful ones, and use them to create something meaningful.
As we move forward to explore the historical context of these issues in the next chapter, I encourage you to reflect on your own story. Consider how your experiences have shaped your understanding and approach to these important conversations. Remember, it’s through sharing our stories and listening to the stories of others that we begin to build bridges of understanding together.